Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Why do they have to be so beautiful? They make me feel so self conscious and make me hate who I am.
8:04 PM
Monday, October 19, 2009
♥ Over and Over Again
I keep picturing you with him. (hahaha sorry the title made me think of the song)
I guess this is just ramblings for me to read and only me, since no one else ever reads them or leaves any type of feedback. But this can be like my online journal, my spiel about anything and everything that is on my brain. Maybe jumble my words up, so when I reread it I wont know what the fuck I am talking about at all.
Again, I feel like a complete and utter failure. I feel like I want to cry, but why should I cry about something that is my own doing? I'm going to stay like this for the rest of my life (so I believe). I will be miserable and fat, maybe I'll be the crazy cat lady from the simpsons. A town outcast, some local psycho? The town I live in is small enough for me to be, unless there is someone else that is more insane then I would be.
Why is it that whenever I'm happy, all my thoughts come back to haunt me? Especially about that one person that I want, but I can't have. Though we are still friends, for which I am glad, but I still can't stop thinking about the person. It's like they plague my mind and I wonder if they think about me, too. I've never been so attached to someone, something that I couldn't have. We had our thing and it was something that I really loved and I looked forward to talking to that person everyday. I think it was the distance and the insecurities, and everything else, that got the best of us. I'll just have to settle for just friends, the day the person tells me that they have another, will probably kill me...
Enough about that. I don't want to dwell on that same old subject, because I'm just going in circles with it and wearing myself a bigger hole as I do. I need to get out of this rut and to think positive. At least, moneywise here, things are really looking up. My stepmom is babysitting for two people and that brings the extra spending money and the bills are being paid. My dad is working a lot now, which I know he likes though he does get sore. The place he works at has been getting very busy and all of that! I just need to find a job and to help contribute, that way I don't feel like I'm free loading off of them. I do help around the house with the cleaning and all of that, I also help babysit. I hate that we clean and it ends up being messy after the kids leave.
Oh god, we watched Pearl Harbor again and I love that movie; though it still gets me and makes me cry. It's a part of our history and it has a lot of action. I love that, but the cute one has to die and I hate that!! Josh Hartnett is so hot! Even though Autumn doesn't even believe he is!! Though she does think Ed Westwick is a bit cute, if he didn't smirk. Though I like him no matter what!! He's a good actor and a singer, too. I love him in Gossip Girl!
Speaking of Gossip Girl, tonight's episode was amazing! I can't wait to see what is happening! I like that Hilary has gained some weight, going from skeleton to an actually healthy size, in my opinion. I think she is someone to look up to, though for a moment there I thought she was going to turn into Lindsey Lohan, without the drugs and alcohol!
xoxo,
Hayles
I guess this is just ramblings for me to read and only me, since no one else ever reads them or leaves any type of feedback. But this can be like my online journal, my spiel about anything and everything that is on my brain. Maybe jumble my words up, so when I reread it I wont know what the fuck I am talking about at all.
Again, I feel like a complete and utter failure. I feel like I want to cry, but why should I cry about something that is my own doing? I'm going to stay like this for the rest of my life (so I believe). I will be miserable and fat, maybe I'll be the crazy cat lady from the simpsons. A town outcast, some local psycho? The town I live in is small enough for me to be, unless there is someone else that is more insane then I would be.
Why is it that whenever I'm happy, all my thoughts come back to haunt me? Especially about that one person that I want, but I can't have. Though we are still friends, for which I am glad, but I still can't stop thinking about the person. It's like they plague my mind and I wonder if they think about me, too. I've never been so attached to someone, something that I couldn't have. We had our thing and it was something that I really loved and I looked forward to talking to that person everyday. I think it was the distance and the insecurities, and everything else, that got the best of us. I'll just have to settle for just friends, the day the person tells me that they have another, will probably kill me...
Enough about that. I don't want to dwell on that same old subject, because I'm just going in circles with it and wearing myself a bigger hole as I do. I need to get out of this rut and to think positive. At least, moneywise here, things are really looking up. My stepmom is babysitting for two people and that brings the extra spending money and the bills are being paid. My dad is working a lot now, which I know he likes though he does get sore. The place he works at has been getting very busy and all of that! I just need to find a job and to help contribute, that way I don't feel like I'm free loading off of them. I do help around the house with the cleaning and all of that, I also help babysit. I hate that we clean and it ends up being messy after the kids leave.
Oh god, we watched Pearl Harbor again and I love that movie; though it still gets me and makes me cry. It's a part of our history and it has a lot of action. I love that, but the cute one has to die and I hate that!! Josh Hartnett is so hot! Even though Autumn doesn't even believe he is!! Though she does think Ed Westwick is a bit cute, if he didn't smirk. Though I like him no matter what!! He's a good actor and a singer, too. I love him in Gossip Girl!
Speaking of Gossip Girl, tonight's episode was amazing! I can't wait to see what is happening! I like that Hilary has gained some weight, going from skeleton to an actually healthy size, in my opinion. I think she is someone to look up to, though for a moment there I thought she was going to turn into Lindsey Lohan, without the drugs and alcohol!
xoxo,
Hayles
10:05 PM
Sunday, October 18, 2009
♥ Ramblings
Family.
This post is about family and how others bitch and moan about theirs, you know? Thinking that they have the worst family ever; though they don't get beaten or don't get to eat, yeah your life sucks. Sure you get grounded but at least your parents care about you.
Recently, a breakdown made me see just how much my family cares and how much I love them. I am lucky to have the family that I do and I'm very happy with them. Sure I'll complain and all that, but what normal teenager doesn't? At least I don't want to switch mine out, but that is off topic of this paragraph. Back to why my breakdown made me see that. Well I don't know what caused it (maybe it was time for one) but it did happen and I came out of my bedroom. Well my mom was getting ready to go to bed and she seen my tears, coaxing me into telling her what was wrong. That was when it hit me, word vomit, I let everything out and she stayed up talking to me until three in the morning, two hours later then she was originally going to stay up. Now, she says I can talk to her about everything.
You see, that was the first time I ever broke down and revealed a lot of things to her and it felt really good, like some weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. It made me see that I have the best mom ever, she would do anything for me and I love her for that. This just solidified it even more. I love her so much and I'm just so glad that I could have done that. I was always so afraid to tell her anything at all, thinking she wouldn't listen or she would judge me, but she didn't do either of those things and I'm really happy for that. I love my life right now.
Sure I can get a little edgy and closed off, but that is how I used to deal with things. I was never used to telling anyone but my friend in Germany, and now I can tell her and my mom. I know, now, that if I ever need my mom that she is here for me. How many people can say that? Not many, because they hate their family and don't think they can tell them anything at all, but that isn't true. Your parents are there for you, unless they weren't ready and then you're adopted, but your adoptive parents are there for you too. They are your family, because they took you in like they would if they had their own children (or it they do have children it's the same). We all just have to count our blessings and be thankful with what you have.
Yeah, and now I've come to a standstill on what to say and what not to say, you know. I always lose my thoughts and always lose what I want to say, lets just say I have a bad memory, probably only getting worse as life goes on, but oh well. At least I try to remember things. Thinks that people have told me and things that I have learned in school.
xoxo,
S
This post is about family and how others bitch and moan about theirs, you know? Thinking that they have the worst family ever; though they don't get beaten or don't get to eat, yeah your life sucks. Sure you get grounded but at least your parents care about you.
Recently, a breakdown made me see just how much my family cares and how much I love them. I am lucky to have the family that I do and I'm very happy with them. Sure I'll complain and all that, but what normal teenager doesn't? At least I don't want to switch mine out, but that is off topic of this paragraph. Back to why my breakdown made me see that. Well I don't know what caused it (maybe it was time for one) but it did happen and I came out of my bedroom. Well my mom was getting ready to go to bed and she seen my tears, coaxing me into telling her what was wrong. That was when it hit me, word vomit, I let everything out and she stayed up talking to me until three in the morning, two hours later then she was originally going to stay up. Now, she says I can talk to her about everything.
You see, that was the first time I ever broke down and revealed a lot of things to her and it felt really good, like some weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. It made me see that I have the best mom ever, she would do anything for me and I love her for that. This just solidified it even more. I love her so much and I'm just so glad that I could have done that. I was always so afraid to tell her anything at all, thinking she wouldn't listen or she would judge me, but she didn't do either of those things and I'm really happy for that. I love my life right now.
Sure I can get a little edgy and closed off, but that is how I used to deal with things. I was never used to telling anyone but my friend in Germany, and now I can tell her and my mom. I know, now, that if I ever need my mom that she is here for me. How many people can say that? Not many, because they hate their family and don't think they can tell them anything at all, but that isn't true. Your parents are there for you, unless they weren't ready and then you're adopted, but your adoptive parents are there for you too. They are your family, because they took you in like they would if they had their own children (or it they do have children it's the same). We all just have to count our blessings and be thankful with what you have.
Yeah, and now I've come to a standstill on what to say and what not to say, you know. I always lose my thoughts and always lose what I want to say, lets just say I have a bad memory, probably only getting worse as life goes on, but oh well. At least I try to remember things. Thinks that people have told me and things that I have learned in school.
xoxo,
S
10:44 AM
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
♥ Gossip Girl Showcase
12:35 PM
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
♥ Random cuts
4:47 AM
Monday, September 28, 2009
♥ Second Showcase
2:16 PM
Sunday, September 27, 2009
♥ First Showcase
5:15 PM
